What Not To Do While You're In The Middle Ages is an American animated web miniseries. The series centered on the misadventures of a wizard and companions as they sets out on a treacherous journey to in the surreal but messed up version of the medieval times.
What could possibly go wrong in the medieval times? Well...everything.
The setting takes place in the during the Middle Ages. It centers on a group of young travelers The show's humor often makes fun of itself as it rarely seems to take itself seriously.
Ron- a young warlock who is chosen to destroy
Wesley-Ron's childhood friend and wizard
Emma- Ron's second friend and a witch who often uses her quick wit to help the group in many situations.
Dove- Penelope's best friend and lady in waiting.
Penelope StormButt- the crown princess of Etheridge.
King StormButt-the king of Etheridge and Penelope's father.
Queen StormButt-the queen of Etheridge and Penelope's mother.
William-a hobbit who speaks in shakespearean.
Gunter- a mute hobbit who is unable to talk due to his inability to utilize his tongue. He can only communicates with facial expressions, charades and sign language.
Timmy- a bard who enjoys playing his lyre and singing.
who suffers from OCD.
Jacques -Though he can understand English, he always speaks French with subtitles. He spoke English in a few episodes in order for everyone to understand him better.
- HELP! WE'RE BEING ATTACKED BY BUNNIES FROM HELL!
- Your Highness, we've found a witch! May we have permission to burn her?
Emma::I'm not a witch!
But you look like one!
Emma::That's because they dressed me up like a halloween decoration! And this isn't my actual facial skin color! (wipes the makeup off her face) It's just makeup for fuck sake!
WE BURN THEM!
She had turned me into a toad!
What?! I've been worse!
Now...what do you do with witches?
No, you don't, You make her take the ice bucket challenge! Water makes witches melt. Therefore, if she melts, she is a witch.
Hey, i have a better idea! Let's burn the witch instead!
There are ways of telling she's a witch.
Do they hurt? Do they bleed?
The villagers looked at each other in confusion before looking back at the royal advisor.
So, what made you so sure that this woman is a witch?
Okay fine, we were bored and we had nothing else to do. So, we decided to come with an idea to execute some random person to relieve our boredom.
King StormButt:So...You did all of this just because you were bored? (the villagers nodded their heads again)Well, do whatever floats your witch.
Queen StormButt:And that folks is the American justice system in a nutshell.
- Wesley: Well, whatever the chances are, it's a good thing we got out, otherwise we wouldn't be able to get Emma back and who knows what that mob is going to do to her.
Ron:They're going to burn her.
Wesley;How the hell do you know that?
That's what they do with witches around these parts.
How the hell do you know that?
That's what they are going to do to that witch over there.
Like hell it's her! Emma didn't wear a fake nose.
Oh...well fuck i guess you're right, must be someone else.
Wesley:See, told you it was her.
Emma takes off the fake witch nose.
Emma: (shouted)SOMEONE! ANYONE! PLEASE COME AND SAVE THE BITCH WHO IS ABOUT TO GET HER ASS SMOKED!
The Mob: (shouted) MORE WITCHES!
Ron:Wait a second...those are guys...guys can't be witches can they?
Oh yea...i guess not...can they?
Wesley:I think they would be called wizards or warlocks.
Well, what do we do with wizards and warlocks then? Are we supposed to burn them too?
Ron:No, you're not supposed to burn wizards and warlocks, you're supposed to be nice and offer
While the mob are distracted, Emma had managed to get away and made a straw dummy version of herself and filled her robe with it, and strapped on the fake nose and placed the dummy where she was before. The mob then went back to Emma's dummy and began to burn her.
Now everyone, let's sing the annual burning the witch song!
Everyone began holding hands before singing Alicia Keys-Girl On Fire
This girl is on fire
This girl is on fire
She's walking on fire
This girl is on fire
- But you're using coconuts! Eh...were...
So? We've ridden since the white flaky stuff covered the land! We've come from-
Where'dya get the coconuts? I need to life stuff...coconuts would be good...
We conquered them!
Conquered them? But coconuts are tropical!
- Would you just eat me already! I'm not a toothpick!
- So what happened is that even the cutest of creatures can be deadly and bloodthirsty...I like this quest already!
Beyond the Forest of Death
- Emma:Back, you furry harbingers of hell! (reaching into her pocket, she finds the one thing she can use to protect herself) I have...a carrot and i'm not afraid to use it!
Emma:See guys...Problem solved.
I have a carrot and i'm not afraid to use it... that sounded lame after it's been said.
Unfortunately, i can't erase time. Nope, too late for that and besides, bunnies and carrots go together like milk and cookies.
Westley:...Did you know that a squirrel once bit my cousin in the toe.
- It's already confirmed that i'm a natural born leader.
You know what else has been confirmed. You're a natural born idiot.
- Look Penelope. It all started with a woman gets under the man. The man opens the hole and puts his sausage between her hotdog bun then he suddenly squirts his mayo inside the bun.
Penelope:No dad! Not that question!
- Penelope:No Dove. I'm gonna be queen of the whole fucking kingdom. (ran towards an open window and screams) YOU HEAR THAT ETHERIDGE?! AS SOON AS I BECOME QUEEN, I'M GONNA RULE YOUR ASS LIKE A PRO ON STEROIDS!