Ever After Fable is an American-Canadian 3D computer animated fantasy adventure comedy film. It stars the voices of Debby Ryan, Katy Perry, Jamie Chung, Garrett Clayton, Seth Green, James Franco, Nick Kroll, Kevin McDonald, Dave Foley, Jason Segel, Tobey Maguire, Fran Drescher, Coco Jones, Taylor Swift and Jane Lynch.
Tag lines: From the creator of The Phoenix Defenders!
The fairy tales you people known and loved is about to get fabled!
Prepare to get fabled!
Fairy Tales Aren't Just For Everyone!
Jace Knight, an 18 year old girl whose family are moving to New York because of her mother's new job. .When she gets magically teleported to a world of fairy tales and magic that she never knew existed, Jace will soon realize that her destiny involves much more than being the key to Fable's survival. To save the world of her new friends as well as her own, she must embark on a journey across unfamiliar lands filled with danger, loyalty, betrayal, and love. Will she be able to defeat the evil queen who threatens to destroy everything and everyone Jace cares about
Debby Ryan as Jace Knight, the main protagonist of the film. She is an 18 year old girl whose family moved from Vermont to New York after her mother got her dream job and struggled to live a new life in a new home.
Katy Perry as Goldilocks, the titular character from the tale 'Goldilocks and the Three Bears'.
Jamie Chung as Snow White, the titular character from the tale 'Snow White'. She is the gothic runaway princess who is described by some as a "depressed lunatic" and a "chronic airhead". She is also the daughter of the previous ruler of Fable and the estranged stepdaughter of Queen Grimhilde. Her real name is revealed to be Mathilda Johnson.
Garrett Clayton as Jack Spriggins, the titular character from the tale 'Jack and the Beanstalk'. Jack is a young boy who was raised in a poor environment by his mother. Jack wasn't exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer and isn't the brightest person around as he is very absent minded and curious.
Seth Green as Atticus, one of the dwarves from the tale 'Snow White'. Atticus is the 21 year old eldest and first of the seven dwarves and is Jace's love interest.
Patrick Warburton as Aron, one of the dwarves from the tale "Snow White".
Spencer Boldman as Gunter, one of the dwarves from the tale "Snow White".Gunter is the 15 year old seventh and the youngest of the seven dwarves. He is cheerful, blissful and very energetic who serves as the film's comic relief. It is later revealed that he is a hobbit adopted by dwarves.
Kevin McDonald as Gerald, one of the dwarves from the tale "Snow White".
Nick Kroll as Elrond, one of the dwarves from the tale "Snow White".
James Franco as Cameron , one of the dwarves from the tale 'Snow White'.
Jason Segel as Kent , one of the dwarves from the tale 'Snow White'.
Taylor Swift as Cinderella , the titular character from the tale "Cinderella". Unlike the original Cinderella, she is somewhat uninterested in marrying Prince Charming. She is very strong willed, judgmental, and stubborn. Her real name is Lady Ella of Carrier.
Tobey Maguire as Gerald Charming, the prince from the "Cinderella" story. Like the original prince, he is determined to find Cinderella but everyone thinks he's attractive, despite his geeky appearance.
Jane Lynch as Queen Grimhilde, the main antagonist from the "Snow White" story and the main antagonist of the film. She is feared by everyone and threatens to erase their story if they don't do what she says.
Coco Jonas as Red Riding Hood, the titular character from the tale 'Little Red Riding Hood' and is Jack's love interest.
Cuba Gooding Jr. as The Magic Mirror, the mystical object from the "Snow White" story.
Ice Cube as The Big, Bad Wolf
Whoopi Goldberg as Red Riding Hood's spunky grandmother
Kate Higgins as Adriana, one of Cinderella's stepsisters from the "Cinderella" story.
Kath Soucie as Linda, one of Cinderella's stepsisters from the "Cinderella" story.
Grey Griffin as Jacqueline, Cinderella's stepmother from the "Cinderella" story.
Lex Lang as Sir Wallace, a rich nobleman who refuse to acknowledge Cinderella as his own daughter as he condemns and blames her for the death of his first wife and even forced her to become a servant of his own house.
Tara Strong as Edgar Knight, Jace's younger brother.
Tina Fey as Mildred Knight, Jace's widowed mother.
- Adriana: Gerald, is it true you are the best sword fighter in all of Fable?
Prince Charming:No, sadly i'm not. I still have much to learn but i suppose i am good at it.
Linda:But you m
Camilla:My, you look so much like your dear mother. You have everything but her eyes, child. She had magnificent green eyes. I remember being envious of her eyes.
Cinderella:Yes, i wished i had her eyes. I heard from many people that they were very stunning.
Cinderella:Hey! I'm not going to be your son's bride, so don't even try!
- Snow White:Gerald?
Snow White:Not you moron, i was talking to Prince Charming.
Gerald:What that thing? But it's so ugly.You sure it's a charming prince?
Snow White:Uh Gerald, what are you doing here?
Gerald:Live here stupid.
Prince Charming:By the way, why have you got no hair? And why are you wearing a stone tube top?
Snow White violently slapped him
Snow White:Just hurry up and rescue me already!
Prince Charming:Uh...Actually Mattie, your stepmother offered a reward for your recovery. Three full hours on the royal gaming system and unlimited pizza of my choice.
Jack Spriggins: What is this?
Benno: I'll tell you later.
Gunter: My gosh, can't you just tell Jack what you're talking about? He might think there's like a ghost-
Jack Spriggins: A ghost?!
Benno: Gunter!(to Jack) There are no ghosts here.
Jack and Gunter: Aww.
Gunter: Oh wait. I made that up.(to Benno)Can i explain to him?
Benno: Fine. But in a way that he can understand.
Gunter: Alright. (mentally) Here comes Gunter's way of explaining things (not mentally) Now Jack, what's there with Jace and Atticus is that...There's a huge heart aura around them.
Benno face palmed
Jack Spriggins: Heart shaped?
Gunter: Yup. Get it now?
Jack Spriggins: Oh!
Gunter: You get it!
Jack Spriggins: What's an aura?
Gunter: Oh...um...what is it? It's a...atmosphere...thing.
Jack Spriggins: A heart shaped atmosphere?
Jack Spriggins: But wait...how can it be heart shaped if it's a sphere?
Benno sigh in disappointment
Gunter: He has a point.
Benno: Gunter, just get on with it.
Gunter: Alright then...they're very close friends. The End
- Pretty boy.
Gunter: (shouted)PRETTY BOY? DUDE, I'M NOT PRETTY! I'M HANDSOME! YOU'RE THE ONE THAT MAKES PEOPLE VOMIT!
- Gunter: What is your problem?! You have something against midgets with vests!
- Snow White:Look midgets. I've been wandering around lost in the woods and haven't eaten anything with nutritional substance since last week, you think we could just cut the chat until after you've given me something to eat?(snapped her finger)
The dwarves, however, just gave her blank looks.
Atticus: We don't eat.
Edmund:Yo! Why does you think dwarves is so friggin' short?
Snow White:I was assuming it was genetics!
- Queen Grimhilde: See what you did, you idiot!
Prince Charming:I knew i should have stopped at the bakery before rescuing her.
Queen Grimhilde: I knew i should have sent her to boarding school.
- Prince Charming: Did i ever tell you that i've got a thing for brunettes?
Prince Atticus, Prince Aron and Jack ruffles their hair with a confused look
Snow White:Brunettes are for girls, idiots.
Prince Atticus, Prince Aron and Jack:Oh okay. I-I...that was embarrassing.
- Jace Bellewaters:What are you?
Prince Cameron Charming:We're Elves.
Jace Bellewaters:You're not elves. Elves aren't three feet tall, they're usually closer to seven. The only short elves i've heard of only work for Father Christmas, but they wouldn't survive here, it's much too warm.
Prince Gerald Charming:Maybe we took off our coats, eh? Never thought of that, did ye?
Prince Atticus:Yeah, lay it off, Ger. She knows we ain't no Elf punks. (turned to Jace, looking very apologetically) Sorry, about my younger brother's behavior.
- Pristeena the Perfect:Hello, dearie.
Cinderella:Jesus Christ, you nearly gave me a heart attack! And who are you anyway?
Pristeena the Perfect:I am Pristeena the Perfect. I'm your fairy godmother. (Cinderella raised an eyebrow) Seriously i am!
Cinderella:Since when do i need a godmother? I'm an atheist!
Pristeena the Perfect:Really?
Cinderella:Yes. I think it was the story about God creating women out of a rib that did it, although there were other factors.
Pristeena the Perfect:Regardless of who i am, my dear, i come bearing good news. I'm here to make sure that you shall go to the ball!
Cinderella:Why would i want that?
Pristeena the Perfect:So that you may marry the Prince and live happily ever after.
Cinderella:I don't want to go to the ball! Prince Charming can take a running jump off a cliff as far as i'm concerned.
Pristeena the Perfect:But he's so handsome! You'll like him!
Cinderella:Oh please... credit me with some integrity! I don't judge people by their appearance and as for Prince Pinhead, who doesn't really have much else to offer, i think i'll pass.
Pristeena the Perfect:But you can wear these. (waved her wand and out of nowhere appeared a pair of dainty shoes. She held them up for Cinderella to see)
Cinderella:Are those made of perspex?
Pristeena the Perfect:Glass...these are glass slippers, made to fit you exactly. I think they'll really suit you.
Cinderella:I'm not wearing those!
Pristeena the Perfect:Whyever not?
Cinderella:Well, for one thing, they're rather naff. And for another, shoes made of glass are a hazard. I could stub my toe and end up hospitalized with shards of glass in my foot! I'll stick with being barefooted thanks.
Pristeena the Perfect:But you can't go dancing in those!
Cinderella:How many times do i have to tell you? I'm. Not. Going! Do you want me to write it down for you?
Pristeena the Perfect:I can do some more magic for you. I can get you anything you want... a dress, some nice jewelry...I can even get you a coach if you've got a pumpkin.
Cinderella:A pumpkin? It's the middle of freaking April! In any case, if i want a coach, i could look one up in the Yellow Pages. But i won't. I'm staying here.
Pristeena the Perfect:There's nothing i can do for you?
Cinderella:Apart from pissing me off and leaving me to get on with my miserable life, no.
Pristeena the Perfect:Fine then. (disappeared in a puff of smoke)
She switched the Tv off in disgust and went to bed.
Cinderella:I'm sorry, but i find that extremely amusing. I mean, he says that he loves the woman, yet he doesn't even know what she looks like, and he has to determine who she is by her shoe size! How much of an idiot can he be?
You're just jealous!
Cinderella:Of whom? His girlfriend? I don't think so! I pity her. I only hope they've got some deodorant for that shoe after everyone tried it on. bursts into laughter
- Prince Charming:Will you marry me?
Prince Charming:Why not?
Cinderella:Think about it, Do i look like that girl you danced with on Saturday night?
Prince Charming:But... the shoe fits you. That means we're getting married.
- Jace, Since you are from reality... you might break this fairytale. Reality and fantasy don't mix.
- Prince Charming: (shouted) WE ARE A TEAM! WE NEED TO STAND BY EACH OTHER AND FIGHT OUR HARDEST AND TOUGHEST! WE MIGHT BE WEAK BUT TOGETHER, WE ARE A TEAM! TEAM FAIRYTALE!
- Why does she call me by that stupid name? My name is Ella not Cinderella, geez.
Dorienne: What on earth did you do with these potato slices? These potato slices are charred and there aren't enough of them.
Cinderella:Wait, there aren't enough? I used the rest of the potatoes I put them in the oven so they weren't touching each other, exactly like you said They stayed in the oven for twenty minutes, just like you ordered
Dorienne: You're supposed to make twice this many, that's why they're burnt.
Cinderella:What do you want me to do about it?
Dorienne: Well, it's a bit late for you to make more. But next time, there's no excuse.
Cinderella:I figured as much.
Dorienne: What was that, Cindy?
- Linda:Ugh, don't you ever take a shower?
Cinderella:Yeah, whenever you freaks let me.
Dorienne: What did you just say?
Cinderella:I said i can only take a shower when you freaks let me.
Dorienne: That's what i thought. (slaps her across the face)
Cinderella:(rubs her red, swollen cheek)Jeez, sorry.
- Cinderella:Can i help you with something?
An invitation from Lord Charming, ma'am.
Cinderella:Er...Thanks, i guess.
Have a nice day, ma'am.
Cinderella stood there for a few minutes before going back inside and closing the door quietly behind her. Suddenly feminine shrieks were heard from the next room and moment later, the envelope was torn from her hands and she was violently thrown aside.
Adriana: We saw him in the street!
Linda:He was from the noble family wasn't he!
Adriana:The carriage had the crest!
Linda:What did he say?
As the sisters played tug of war on the envelope, Cinderella watched in mild amusement.
Cinderella:Just open the envelope already!
Both of the sisters sneered.
Adriana:Why should you care?
Cinderella:It is addressed to the residents of every kingdom in Fable.
Both of the sisters laughed harshly.
Linda:Well you don't count. What could Prince Charming possibly want with a scrawny girl like you? Well, perhaps you could shine his shoes.
As Adriana barked with laughter, Linda finally opened it up, slipping a beautiful piece of parchment out. Both girls read it silently, taking quite some time to do so and Cinderella watched their faces light up as the seconds passed.
Adriana/Linda:( excitedly shouted in unison)A BALL! We've been invited to a ball! The prince's twenty-first birthday! HE'S LOOKING FOR A WIFE!
- Jack Spriggins: Debonair, suave, intelligent, romantic, gentile, chivalrous and gallant. What have you to say for that?
Prince Charming:It's true. Did you know i can also boil water faster than any man alive? And that i have no trouble distinguishing between black and navy blue?
Jack Spriggins: Are you a victim of chronic depression?
Prince Charming:Yes, i would have to agree with that.
Jack Spriggins: Can you tell me why you agree?
Prince Charming:Because i fell so stressed out lately. Everyone has these demands. I fought 38 dragons in the past month and rescued 43 princesses, all with no zits or perspiration. I just can't deal with this anymore!(bursts into sobs and covers his face with both of his hands)
Jack Spriggins: Why can't you sweat?
Prince Charming:Because the ladies don't like it and i have to be perfect.
Jack Spriggins:No one has to be perfect...
Prince Charming:I do! I'm Prince Charming!
Jack Spriggins: Let's work with the dragon issue first. How many did you say?
Prince Charming:Thirty eight, in the last month.
- Prince Charming:I had a nervous breakdown.
Jack Spriggins: Would you like to tell me about it?
Prince Charming:I don't think you want to hear.
Jack Spriggins: Of course i want to hear, I'm your childhood buddy!
Prince Charming:It involves a hedgehog and a gallon of Hawaiian Punch.
Jack Spriggins: Well, What about the ladies? How go things in that department?
Prince Charming:Horrible! As soon as i rescue one from her tower and another who needs to be kissed, it's a nightmare! I can't take it anymore! And they all want to marry me! Every last one of them begs me to stay and marry them! I'm only one man!
Jack Spriggins: And i suppose that rescuing princesses is part of your job as well?
Prince Charming:Sadly yes.
Jack Spriggins: Out of curiosity, do you get to kiss them after you've saved them from the fiery pits of doom?
Prince Charming:Oh yes, it's one of the pecks. lowers his voice I'm actually quite good.
Jack Spriggins: I'll take your word for it. Well, i have a little homework assignment for you. I want you to take the week off. Don't fight any dragons, don't rescue princesses. The only thing i want you to do is chill and scope out women.
Prince Charming:Scope out women?
Jack Spriggins: Yes, i want you to find a woman you like and woo her. Wine and dine, send flowers, the whole she-bang. Just one though. I don't want you taxing yourself.
Red Riding Hood:Is it going to be like this from now on?
Jack Spriggins: I hope not, although he did have a very tight butt.
- Goldilocks: And they have a mirror!
Gunter:WAIT! How the heck did they know where we are? Unless the mirror has a GPS system on it?
Scene fades to flashback of how they find them.
The Magic Mirror:Turn right.
Queen Grimhilde: This way men! (turns right)
The Magic Mirror:You are at your destination.
Queen Grimhilde: No we're not! This stupid thing must be broken! This thing could only show half of the way! How is this so magical if-
The Magic Mirror:Look in the distance, stupid. ( Queen Grimhilde looks up and sees the group in the distance) Why? You need directions to go straight? Idiot.
Flashback fades off.
- Adriana: How do i look?
Linda:You look wonderful.
Cinderella:(dryly)Yes and all you need now for the perfect ice cream sundae look is to have a little umbrella sticking out of your head.
Adriana: No one asked you, Cindy.
- Prince Charming:You dare mock my efforts, servant girl?
Dorienne: Your highness, I am dreadfully sorry for this street rat's behavior, I assure you she will be severely punished.
Prince Charming:I've-I think i've seen you somewhere...
Wha-? (Cinderella stomped on his foot as hard as she could and made a break for the door)Wait Please I know you from somewhere, I just know it
Cinderella:(screams)NEVER! YOU WON'T GET ME WITHOUT A FIGHT!
- I'm looking for a girl with a 2 inch waist and a nice pair of melons.
But your highness, there isn't a girl like that for miles.
But i hired you to find me a wife to be a good queen!
Yes, but i can't just make a girl out of thin air. I mean, you've got the fat ones, you've got the skinny ones and you've got the top heavy ones, you've got the smart ones, you've got the sweet ones, you've got the obedient ones, but none fit your description.
Stupid peasant, I should have him burned for that. If only Mother would let me.
- Prince Charming:Oh... oh yeah?! Get back out here and i'll -(the door cracked open) OH GOD! NO! I'M SORRY! PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!
Prince Charming:No, i didn't get your apples. The owner was a complete- (the door cracked open)...DELIGHT. (the door slammed shut)...Get in the shed.(his horse looked at him) Don't argue. (his horse continued to look at him) JUST GET IN THE SHED!
- Queen Grimhilde: Mirror, mirror, on the wall, Who's the fairest of them all?
Magic Mirror:You i guess. I mean, you're the only person i see all day.
- Queen Grimhilde: Mirror, mirror, on the wall, Who's the fairest of them all?
Magic Mirror:You know, asking me for the ten thousandth time isn't going to change my answer. Honestly, some people never learn.
Queen Grimhilde: I am still the most beautiful aren't i?
Magic Mirror:Well, actually, there's this pretty blonde in the next kingdom over... (stopped at the look on the queen's face) She's stuck in a curse, if you must know. Something about sleeping for a hundred years until the right young idiot blunders along to kiss her awake.
Queen Grimhilde: Close enough, isn't it?
- Honey! I have something for you to take to your grandmother!
Sure mom, which room number is Grandma Lulu in again?
Actually sweetie, Grandma Lulu was in process of rewriting her will right now. I was thinking that you could take these to your father's mother.
But she lives way out in the middle of the woods. Aren't you concerned about my safety?
Don't worry darling, i'm sure that we didn't put you through all of those years of karate for nothing. You'll be fine.
But i didn't take karate, i took ballet.
- Queen Grimhilde: You know, the sooner you give me what i want, the sooner i'll let you go.
Jace Bellewaters: What do you want?
Queen Grimhilde: Oh, now we want to cooperate. Well, let me explain. This is the Scroll of the Oracle. It has every event that is to ever happen in Fable: The past, present, and future. The scroll reads that in one week's time, you'll open an ancient cave that holds just what i'm looking for.
Jace Bellewaters: What is it?
Queen Grimhilde: Like i would tell you, now all i ask of you is the key to the cave.
Jace Bellewaters: But i don't have it.
Queen Grimhilde:(shouted) LIAR! I KNOW YOU HAVE IT! THE SCROLL DOESN'T LIE!
Jace Bellewaters: But
Queen Grimhilde: Are you ready to cooperate?
I don't know where they are, i swear!
Queen Grimhilde: Really, that's not what my guards told me. They say that you were traveling with them.
Your guards How would-
Queen Grimhilde: I have connections with a certain town leader.
Even if i did know, i wouldn't tell you.
In a swift motion, Queen Grimhilde pressed into chest.
Queen Grimhilde: You know exactly what i could do to you right here and right now if you don't give me an answer
Ok, Ok, I'll tell you... I think they said something about Lake
Suddenly, she plunged the blade straight through heart and then swiftly removes the from, causing his lifeless body to fall to the ground.
Queen Grimhilde:Thank you for your help. We will have the chosen one.
Gunter:So, uh...how are you?
Oh good. That's nice.
Cinderella's Father:Adriana! Linda! Come down here! You too...Cinderella.
Adriana, Linda and Cinderella rushed down the stairs.
Adriana and Linda bends their knees while bowing their heads. Noticing that Cinderella didn't do the same, Cinderella's Father glared at her.
Cinderella's Father:And you! Curtsey!
Cinderella immediately curtsey, causing her to receive glares from Adriana and Linda.
Cinderella's Father:(snorted)Not bad...for a servant.(to Adriana and Linda) The messenger just came. He invited the two daughters of ours to attend a ball that Lord Charming's son will be holding. Rumor is that he shall chose a bride from the ball. The ball is on his twenty first birthday.
I thought that was in a few days.
We're going to marry the prince, We just know it!
Of course you will. But i need you two to be nice to Prince Charming. (to Cinderella with a cold look) And don't try and take him from my daughters or you will wish that you had never been born.
Cinderella:Like i wanted to marry an arrogant prince. Maybe they would be a perfect match. Hey, i can see that! Arrogant prince with two ditzy girls. Kind of a funny image.
Cinderella...when one of your stepsisters marries Lord Charming's son...we have decided this will be yours. This manor and this acre of land. Since, of course, we'll be above you, it doesn't matter anymore since the two of my beautiful daughters will own much of this area.
Of course, you have to do something for us. If you do not persuade our darling nobleman to marry one of us, you will receive the worse treatment that you can ever imagine.
We must get you two girls ready. Oh and something else we must tell you. We have invited him over for dinner tonight.
Cinderella, you shall attend the meal as a lady in waiting.
(mentally) Damn! I had to get out this this! (not mentally)But Father, I do not wish to distract him from Adriana and Linda. I wouldn't speak to the nobleman's son but wouldn't the noble family think of this rude for not speaking?
Fine. You won't be anywhere near the dinner table tonight. I shall say you are busy with other matters.
Father, can i go ride in the fields? I promise i won't cause any trouble.
Fine, Just don't be in sight.
Jace Francine! Akito! Get off of me!
Tell us a story, Mommy!
All right, you two.
I want to heat the story of how you met Daddy!
Now, why would you want to hear that
Daddy said it's a really good story.
Jace Knight: Okay, here we go... (narrating)Now, once upon a time, Meanwhile in the land of reality, there is a young girl who goes by the name Jace Knight. She's eighteen years old and is from Vermont. Her mother is a widow because her father dies when Jace was only eleven because a drunk driver caused her dad to drove himself into a river. Mom got a job teaching college students at New York University. Sure, you could say Jace is proud of her. It just happened all of a sudden and the next thing you know, she got her dream job, forced Jace, her twelve year old brother Edgar, and their golden retriever Shadow into the car and started driving. The mom has this dream that she and her family will be able to start over. To have a new life somewhere far from their old home. Jace sure knows that her mom means well, but her heart just isn't into it. A new house, a new city, a new school, new everything. Part of Jace thinks that they won't be able to handle it, but she told herself otherwise before she give in to her better judgement. Besides, after her dad died, her mom had been obsessed with the idea of leaving Vermont. They never left until now because we never had the money.
Here we are.
Jace: Must be from the previous owners.
Guys! Why the long faces? We're at our new home!
Jace Knight:(mumbled)What are you talking about? This place will never be our home.
Find the key.
The key wiht a red crown.
Again, no answer.
Edgar:Who are you talking to?
Jace:No one. Go explore the apartment or something.
Sorry Jace, that one's mine.
(sternly)Because i'm the parent and i said so.
Edgar? Where are you?
You need to get dressed up!
Jace:Why do we need to get dressed?
My new boss is taking us out to eat. You will be on your best behavior, young lady.
That's weird. Loads of plugs and no electricity.
Jace! Ready yet?
Jace:I have to fix my hair!
There's no time for that! We have to leave!
Shut up, Shadow!
Jace? (Jace snapped out of her trance) Mr.Wilkerson is talking to you.
Jace: 12th grade, sir.
My, my. You are quite the young lady, then.
Yes sir. Six o'clock sounds great, Ok Mr. Wilkerson, i'll see you tonight.
Jace:Why are you meeting Mr.Wilkerson again? You just saw him last night.
It's none of your business. We have certain things to discuss about the job. You know, work hours and things like that. All you alright? You took quite a fall last night.
Jace:I'm alright, Mom.
So tonight, I'll need you to keep an eye on Edgar and Shadow.
Jace:Ok. Now i'm crazy. First magic paintings. Then people coming out of the magic paintings? No thanks.
JACE FRANCINE KNIGHT! Where the heck have you been?! Strolling around , i suppose! You'll make me late, you know!
Jace: Well mom, you're wasting more time shouting than you are driving to...wherever you're going!
Jace, i don't have time for this and it's none of your business of where i go and why.
Jace:This is a date, isn't it?
Jace, you don't understand.
Jace: You don;t just have dinner with your children and your boss, go out with him again the very nextnight and not expect me to assume this.
It's not like that.
Jace: (shouted) But it is! You think you can replace dad!
(yells)DON'T YOU DARE SAY HIS NAME UNDER THIS ROOF! (took a deep breath) Edgar is bathing and Shadow is asleep in his kennel. Supper is in the oven, take it out in exactly ten-
Jace:I got it. I know how to take care of myself. I'm eighteen. I'm not a child anymore, you know.
Edgar:Where are the towels?
Jace:I don't know! Go find some and put some clothes on!
Jace:What took you so long?
We got a little carried away, that's all.
The people still await their savior.
They await the one whose actions
will redeem the wickedness of
Queen Grimhilde, the evil ruler of Fayble.
The people wait, craving for
vengeance. But their wait is over.
One is soon coming that will carry out the prophecy from the scroll
of the Almost Dead, the prophecy that has been left unread for many centuries. The prophecy reads:
She will arrive in the humblest of ways, and
wear the answer,
or the end of our days.
To leave unscathed
a battle with the Queen,
with the crooked blade,
a victory this fight.
To win this war,
the cost to be brave,
there is a love, a lie, and
Ok. Not your average Harry Potter. (reads the book)
Jace:(shouted)Edgar, put that down!
Jace:(shouted)Nothing! Just...give it back!
jace:Do you miss dad?
Come and sit, Jace. David was...really interesting. He was one of those care free people. Didn't take life seriously, always living in the moment. I remember when we first met, I was skiing during the holidays in my second year of college. He was my ski instructor. He proposed to me on a hot air balloon. Yes, he was one to take risks, but i loved him. When we had you, it was just perfect. We both had great jobs, we were paying our bills, we had a nice house and we vacationed every year. Then, when we had Edgar, your dad just...let himself go. He jumped from job to job, started smoking and drinking, he wouldn't come back until the next morning. And then he got himself killed! I knew it was only a matter of time before something happened.
Wait, you can see me?
Jace:Yes. Sorry but i must ask who you are.
YIPPEE! The prophecy! You are her! It is absolutely an honor to meet you, your majesty. My name is Dulin. I am the Keeper of Keys to Worlds Far and Wide.
Jace:Wait, what do you mean i can see you? Can't anyone else?
Only the ones worthy enough can see me. Id anyone could we would have thousands of mortals lined up to get keys to Fable.
Jace:So Fable is real!
Yes and very much alive. I put a spell on my home so that it looked like a mortal bookshop. Complete with mortal workers! It took me a while, but it works.
Jace:And you called me your majesty. I'm hardly of royal blood.
But you are royalty. The one true heir to Queen Grimhilde's throne! The one that will save us from her wrath and reign. Oh and what is your name?
My dear Jace, you are destined to be the true queen of Fable. For that, you will receive this. Take this key and save Fable. When you do, i will be free to leave this place.
JaceLWhere will you go?
Wherever you command me. The Keeper must remain where he or she is stationed until the next ruler gives him or her another station.
Jace:So, you're immortal?
Yes and no. I can't die, but when the ruler of Fayble wishes for a new Keeper, he or she appoints a new one and all of my years will come back at once. I would be turn into dust.
Jace:Well that sucked.
I know. That's why you must save me and all of Fayble. Now go, dear Jace. That trunk awaits you.
Jace:Thank you. If i defeat the queen, i promise to be very kind.
Bless you, your majesty. Goodbye and good luck.
So, what did you do today, Jace?
Jace, get in here now!
Jace:Where are you?
In my room!
Why is this unlocked? When i tried to open it last night, it was locked. Explain yourself.
Jace:I swear, i have no idea.
I'm going to bed.
Jace:Why this early?
My first day at work is tomorrow. I have to teach a class at seven in the morning. That means you're in charge of keeping an eye on Edgar and Shadow. Shadow has some medicine to take in the morning.
Suddenly, Jace began to wake up to see the dwarves staring at her then she began to scream.The dwarves screamed. Jace screamed. The dwarves screamed. Jace screamed. The seven dwarves finally looked at one another.
Look, midgets. I've been wandering around lost in the woods and haven't eaten anything with nutritional substance since last week, you think we could just cut the chat until after you've given me something to eat?
We don't eat.
Why do you think dwarves be so friggin' short, eh?
I was assuming it was genetics.
Great, I'm alone in a house with six guys and some girl somewhere my stepmom will never find me and for once in my life, I'm not happy about it.
Oh shut up.
Did you bring her?
Dude like did you?
Yo bro. Dat crap wasn't me! Okay? So chill out! Okay?
Where done she come from?
:Did she follow us?
began to do his victory dance
Jace Bellewaters: Um... what is he doing?
:Oh, he's just excited because it was the first time that someone is in his bed.
Jace Bellewaters: What are you?
:You're not elves. Elves aren't three feet tall, they're usually closer to seven. The only short elves i've heard of only work for Father Christmas, but they wouldn't survive here, it's much too warm.
Prince Gerald Charming:Maybe we done off our coats, eh? Nevuurr done thought av that there, done y'all?
Prince Atticus Charming:Hey, lay it off. She knows we ain't no Elf punks. (turned to Jace, looking very apologetically) Sorry, about my younger brother's behavior.
Jace:So...I am Jace Bellewaters. May i ask your names?
Atticus:I am Atticus and these are my six brothers: Benno...
Benno stood and bowed graciously.
Benno: Delighted to make your acquaintance ma'am.
Conrad:Ya gotta spittoon with ya?
Dedrick:I'm Dedrick, Professional bookie. You want the point spread on the Raiders' game? I can get it...minimal charge.
Atticus:This is Edmund...
Edmund:Yo. Wha's goin' down bro?
Atticus:This is Franz...
Franz's eyes were glazed over and the tie dyed T-shirt he wore bore a slogan saying, :Pacifism is the light".
Franz: Dude...like your outfit and your hair is so unpolluted... it totally reflects your environmental views man... rock on.
Atticus: You'll have to forgive him. Franz is rather liberal and i don't think he has ever realized that the 60's ended forty years ago. We think it might be best not to tell him.
Jace:And who might you be?
The dwarf just smiled a huge dopey looking grin.
Atticus: Ah, that's Gunter... he's beyond stupid.
Jace: Ooooookay...(mumbles) Fabulous. A head honcho, a Shakespearean, a hick, a bookie, a gangster, a hippie and an idiot. Boy was i in for a fun afternoon. Right.
Ella, i can no longer look at you because every time i do. i see my deceased first wife.
Ella. enough of your nonsense. Ever since you killed my first wife, i have hated you. Now shut up and go transfer your belongings to the servant wing.
Dad, i was only born when it happened! I can barely remember her! But what will people think if i become a servant?
Of course, you will still go to social events but in this household. You shall be treated no better than the lowest servant.
Why not say i was dead?
Because people will think it was my fault if you died. Already, one woman died from my life. Now get out of my sight.
ELLA, GET OUT OF MY SIGHT NOW!
Cinderella:Oh crap! What did i forget this time?
Jacqueline screeched from the dining room offscreen.
Jacqueline:What on earth did you do with these potato slices?
Cinderella moaned and scurried out to the dining room, where her two stepsisters were picking primly at their beef and cheese casserole. Jacqueline was ramrod straight in her chair and had a murderous expression on her face. She is just about average height, 5'6. Long black hair that fell to her waist and her face was pale and pointy.
Jacqueline:(in a dangerously level voice) These potato slices are charred and there aren't enough of them.
Cinderella:(shouted)Wait, there aren't enough?! I used the rest of the potatoes! I put them in the oven so they weren't touching each other, exactly like you said! They stayed in he oven for twenty minutes, just like you ordered! Seriously, what the heck could i have done wrong?!
Dorienne:(shouted)You're supposed to make twice this many, that's why they're burnt.
Cinderella:(angrily)What do you want me to do about it then?
Dorienne:(sighed impatiently)Well, it's a bit late for you to make more. But next time, there's no excuse.
Cinderella:(muttered as she turned toward the kitchen)I figured as much.
Dorienne:(threateningly)What was that, Cinderella?
Cinderella stopped in her tracks and cringed.
Cinderella:(mumbled as she dashed back to the kitchen)Yes, Miss Dorienne.
Once in the kitchen, she clenched both of her fists.
Cinderella:(whispers) Damn it. (shuffled over to the counter and started cleaning up the kitchen) I hate it when she does that.
Dorienne: (shouted)CINDERELLA! WE'RE DONE EATING! GET THE DISHES!
Cinderella:Seriously? Why does she have to scream it every single time? Can't she just talk like a normal person?
Dorienne: Cinderella, i don't hear the water running.
Dorienne: You haven't even started the dishes yet? What on earth have you been doing?
Cinderella:I...uh... I was just... um...(gets slapped by Dorienne)
Dorienne:You are the most insolent, ungrateful, lazy, incompetent child i have ever encountered in my life! If i hadn't promised your father that i would care for you whenever he's away or whatever, I would've turned you out years ago!
Cinderella:(muttered menacingly)You don't have to turn me out. You and dad never freaking cared for me in the first place.
Don't...don't leave me. Please. You're... you're the only girl...the only one...
Cinderella wakes up.
Cinderella:(grumbles)Why does she calls me by that stupid name? My name is Ella not Cinderella, geez.
Cinderella:I'm awake! I'm awake!
Linda:(with a sneer)Ugh, don't you ever take a shower?
Cinderella:Yeah, whenever you freaks let me.
Dorienne:(sneered)What did you just say?
Cinderella:I said i can only take a shower whenever you freaks let me.
Dorienne:That's what i thought. (slaps her across the face)
Cinderella:(rubs her red, swollen cheek)Jeez, sorry.
Dorienne: Why, Your Majesty, this is quite an honor! Please, do come in! Adriana! Linda! Come down girls, look who's here! Would you like some tea perhaps? Is is rather drafty... (screeched at the top of her lungs)ADRIANA! LINDA!
Cinderella crept up behind a marble pillar to watch the scene unfolding
Prince Charming:I would like to try the shoe on each and every one of you here. I will not rest, will not sleep, until-
What, you even want to try it on me? (winks at the prince)
Prince Charming:No...no. You can go, it's quite alright.
The cook grinned and sauntered back towards the kitchen. Cinderella let out a snort of laughter and then clapped her hands over her mouth. The prince, trying to regain his dignity, narrowed his eyes at her. He then pushed aside the servants and beckoned her forward.
Prince Charming:You dare mock my efforts, servant girl?
Dorienne: Your highness, i am dreadfully sorry for this street rat's behavior, i assure you she will be severely punished.
Prince Charming:I-I think i've seen you from somewhere... You will be the first to try the slipper!
Wha- (Cinderella stomped on his foot as hard as she could and make a break for the door)Wait! Please! I know you from somewhere, I just know it!
NEVER! YOU WON'T GET ME WITHOUT A FIGHT!
Yes, i remember...I remember Penny and Benjamin. Those were your parents' names, right? I remember you and your brothers screaming for them as i spilled their blood-
I suppose you're going to ask me not to kill this one too?
Queen Grimhilde: I've had enough of this! (however nothing happened. She tried again, but nothing still happens) Oh screw it.
Queen Grimhilde pulls out a lighter from her dress and sets Pinocchio on fire. She then cackles as Pinocchio screams.
Pinocchio:(shouted)AAAAAHHHH! WHY? WHY WAS I TURNED INTO A TALKING PUPPET THAT IS MADE OUT OF WOOD BUT WITH NO STRINGS ATTACHED TO ME?!
Jack Spriggins: (shouted)Don't worry! I'll save you!
Pinocchio:(screams)DO NOT THROW THAT FREAKING AXE! THAT NEVER SOLVES ANYTHING!
Jack Spriggins: Aw man.
Jace Knight: I'll save you! (grabbed a bucket and doused Pinocchio in water. She also got water on Queen Grimhilde)
Queen Grimhilde:(screams in horror as she clutched onto her face)AAAAAAAAAHHHH! NOOOOO! MY MAKEUP IS MELTING!! MELTING!! OH WHAT A WORLD!
Queen Grimhilde then reveals to everyone her face. Her makeup was indeed running.
Everyone: (gasps in terror) GAH!
Queen Grimhilde: (shouted)LOOK WHAT YOU DID! NOW EVERYONE CAN SEE MY 40 SOMETHING YEAR OLD FACIAL BLEMISHES!
Jace Knight: I didn't mean to! Really i didn't! It's...it's just that he was on fire!
Queen Grimhilde: That's it! No more games! I'm gonna finish you off once and for all!
Atticus: Don't do this.
Jace Knight: Take care of everyone, please Atticus. Make sure they're safe. Keep them safe.
Atticus: No, we can fix this. We have to try, at least. You can't just give yourself up to her!
Jace Knight: We couldn't win. I have to do this. Atticus, I- Take care of yourself too.
Gunter: Should i say something...funny?(mentally)No.(not mentally)Yeah i thought so.
Gunter:(crying)So sad... hey look! A penny!
Jace Knight:Look, i get your concerns, but i'm sorry. What can i say? I guess i have a thing for midgets.
If she's marrying the dwarf, I am not going to be her bridesmaid.
Jace was a queen worth waiting for. Beloved by all, she lead the land of fable with all the grace, kindness and wisdom that Queen Grimhilde was never willing to do. Snow White eventually settled down in a foreign country where she became the originator of the Gothic movement and married a woodcutter, but drove him crazy with her depressing lunacy and chronic air headedness. The magic mirror was swept up and melted down, later being used to make a new mirror with a phobia of women in their forties. Red and Jack had a successful first date after Jace had become queen, and they continue to be one of those nauseatingly sweet couples to this very day. Red's grandmother continued to live out in the woods after she got a new security system which included an illegally smuggled lion and a rifle. Red's mother had stopped baking once and for all when a french bakery was built right next door. She also gained forty pounds.
Happily ever after.
Happily ever after.
Did you guys get that? Happily ever aft-
That's enough now, Gunter.
Happily ever after.
A Witch's Fairytale is inspired by Shrek, Bratz Kidz Fairy Tales, Ella Enchanted, Hoodwinked!, Happily N'ever After, Charming, Red Shoes and the 7 Dwarves, and Into the Woods.