Ever After Rebels is an American-Canadian 3D computer animated fantasy adventure comedy film.
- From the creator of The Phoenix Defenders!
- Fairy Tales Aren't Just For Everyone!
Katy Perry as Goldilocks, the titular character from the tale 'Goldilocks and the Three Bears'. She is Red's ex girlfriend. She is polysexual
Jamie Chung as Snow White, the titular character from the tale 'Snow White'. In this version, She is a gothic runaway princess who is described by some as a "depressed lunatic" and a "chronic airhead". She is the estranged daughter of Queen Grimhilde. Her real name is revealed to be Mathilda Johnson.
Garrett Clayton as Jack Spriggins, the titular character from the tale 'Jack and the Beanstalk'. Jack is a young girl who was raised in a poor environment by her mother. Jack wasn't exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer and isn't the brightest person around as she is very dimwitted. She later enters a relationship with Red. She is pansexual
Seth Green as Atticus, one of the dwarves from the tale 'Snow White'. Atticus is the 21 year old eldest and first of the seven dwarves and is Jace's love interest.
Patrick Warburton as Aron, one of the dwarves from the tale "Snow White".
Spencer Boldman as Gunter, one of the dwarves from the tale "Snow White".Gunter is the 15 year old seventh and the youngest of the seven dwarves. He is cheerful, blissful and very energetic who serves as the film's comic relief.
Kevin McDonald as Gerald, one of the dwarves from the tale "Snow White".
Nick Kroll as Elrond, one of the dwarves from the tale "Snow White".
James Franco as Cameron , one of the dwarves from the tale 'Snow White'.
Jason Segel as Kent , one of the dwarves from the tale 'Snow White'.
Taylor Swift as Ella , the titular character from the tale "Cinderella". She is pansexual
Tobey Maguire as Gerald Charming, the prince from the "Cinderella" story. In this version, he is the only son of a duke and a duchess from the noble Charming family and heir apparent who is surrounded by girls who wanted to marry him for his title and attractiveness. He is revealed to be secretly gay.
Jane Lynch as Queen Grimhilde, the evil queen from the "Snow White" story. Unlike in the story Snow White, she cares about Snow She is feared by everyone and threatens to erase their story if they don't do what she says.
Coco Jonas as Red Riding Hood, the titular character from the tale 'Little Red Riding Hood' and is Jack's love interest. She is a lesbian
Cuba Gooding Jr. as The Magic Mirror, the mystical object from the "Snow White" story.
Ice Cube as The Big, Bad Wolf Jack's father.
Whoopi Goldberg as Red Riding Hood's spunky grandmother
Kate Higgins as Adriana, one of Cinderella's stepsisters from the "Cinderella" story.
Kath Soucie as Linda, one of Cinderella's stepsisters from the "Cinderella" story.
Grey Griffin as Lady Jacqueline Anderson, Cinderella's stepmother from the "Cinderella" story.
as Pristeena, the fairy godmother from the "Cinderella" story.
- Snow White:Gerald?
Snow White:Not you moron, i was talking to Charming.
Gerald:What that thing? But it's so ugly.You sure it's a charming?
Snow White:Uh Gerald, what are you doing here?
Gerald:Live here stupid.
Prince Charming:By the way, why have you got no hair? And why are you wearing a stone tube top?
Snow White violently slapped him
Snow White:Just hurry up and rescue me already!
Prince Charming:Uh...Actually Mattie, your stepmother offered a reward for your recovery. Three full hours on the royal gaming system and unlimited pizza of my choice.
Jack Spriggins: What is this?
Benno: I'll tell you later.
Gunter: My gosh, can't you just tell Jack what you're talking about? He might think there's like a ghost-
Jack Spriggins: A ghost?!
Benno: Gunter!(to Jack) There are no ghosts here.
Jack and Gunter: Aww.
Gunter: Oh wait. I made that up.(to Benno)Can i explain to him?
Benno: Fine. But in a way that he can understand.
Gunter: Alright. (mentally) Here comes Gunter's way of explaining things (not mentally) Now Jack, what's there with Jace and Atticus is that...There's a huge heart aura around them.
Benno face palmed
Jack Spriggins: Heart shaped?
Gunter: Yup. Get it now?
Jack Spriggins: Oh!
Gunter: You get it!
Jack Spriggins: What's an aura?
Gunter: Oh...um...what is it? It's a...atmosphere...thing.
Jack Spriggins: A heart shaped atmosphere?
Jack Spriggins: But wait...how can it be heart shaped if it's a sphere?
Benno sigh in disappointment
Gunter: He has a point.
Benno: Gunter, just get on with it.
Gunter: Alright then...they're very close friends. The End
- Pretty boy.
Gunter: (shouted)PRETTY BOY? DUDE, I'M NOT PRETTY! I'M HANDSOME! YOU'RE THE ONE THAT MAKES PEOPLE VOMIT!
- Gunter: What is your problem?! You have something against midgets with vests!
- Snow White:Look midgets. I've been wandering around lost in the woods and haven't eaten anything with nutritional substance since last week, you think we could just cut the chat until after you've given me something to eat?(snapped her finger)
The dwarves, however, just gave her blank looks.
Atticus: We don't eat.
Edmund:Yo! Why does you think dwarves is so friggin' short?
Snow White:I was assuming it was genetics!
- Queen Grimhilde: See what you did, you idiot!
Prince Charming:I knew i should have stopped at the bakery before rescuing her.
Queen Grimhilde: I knew i should have sent her to boarding school.
- Prince Charming: Did i ever tell you that i've got a thing for brunettes?
Prince Atticus, Prince Aron and Jack ruffles their hair with a confused look
Snow White:Brunettes are for girls, idiots.
Prince Atticus, Prince Aron and Jack:Oh okay. I-I...that was embarrassing.
- Jace Bellewaters:What are you?
Prince Cameron Charming:We're Elves.
Jace Bellewaters:You're not elves. Elves aren't three feet tall, they're usually closer to seven. The only short elves i've heard of only work for Father Christmas, but they wouldn't survive here, it's much too warm.
Prince Gerald Charming:Maybe we took off our coats, eh? Never thought of that, did ye?
Prince Atticus:Yeah, lay it off, Ger. She knows we ain't no Elf punks. (turned to Jace, looking very apologetically) Sorry, about my younger brother's behavior.
- Prince Charming: (shouted) WE ARE A TEAM! WE NEED TO STAND BY EACH OTHER AND FIGHT OUR HARDEST AND TOUGHEST! WE MIGHT BE WEAK BUT TOGETHER, WE ARE A TEAM! TEAM FAIRYTALE!
Jacqueline:What on earth did you do with these potato slices? These potato slices are charred and there aren't enough of them.
Ella Anderson:Wait, there aren't enough? I used the rest of the potatoes I put them in the oven so they weren't touching each other, exactly like you said They stayed in the oven for twenty minutes, just like you ordered
Jacqueline:You're supposed to make twice this many, that's why they're burnt.
Ella Anderson:What do you want me to do about it?
Jacqueline: Well, it's a bit late for you to make more. But next time, there's no excuse.
Ella:I figured as much.
Jaqueline: What was that, Ella?
Ella Anderson:Yes, ma'am.
- Linda:Ugh, don't you ever take a shower?
Cinderella:Yeah, whenever you freaks let me.
Dorienne: What did you just say?
Cinderella:I said i can only take a shower when you freaks let me.
Dorienne: That's what i thought. (slaps her across the face)
Cinderella:(rubs her red, swollen cheek)Jeez, sorry.
- Goldilocks: And they have the mirror!
Gunter:WAIT! How the heck did they know where we are? Unless the mirror has a GPS system on it? (Looks at Snow) Does it?
Snow White: Well...
Scene fades to flashback of how they find them.
The Magic Mirror:Turn right.
Queen Grimhilde: This way men! (turns right)
The Magic Mirror:You are at your destination.
Queen Grimhilde: No we're not! This stupid thing must be broken! This thing could only show half of the way! How is this so magical if-
The Magic Mirror:Look in the distance, stupid. ( Queen Grimhilde looks up and sees the group in the distance) Why? You need directions to go straight? Idiot.
Flashback fades off.
- Queen Grimhilde: Mirror, mirror, on the wall, Who's the fairest of them all?
Magic Mirror:You i guess. I mean, you're the only person i see all day.
- Queen Grimhilde: Mirror, mirror, on the wall, Who's the fairest of them all?
Magic Mirror:You know, asking me for the ten thousandth time isn't going to change my answer. Honestly, some people never learn.
Queen Grimhilde: I am still the most beautiful aren't i?
Magic Mirror:Well, actually, there's this pretty blonde in the next kingdom over... (stopped at the look on the queen's face) She's stuck in a curse, if you must know. Something about sleeping for a hundred years until the right young idiot blunders along to kiss her awake.
Queen Grimhilde: Close enough, isn't it?
- Honey! I have something for you to take to your grandmother!
Sure mom, which room number is Grandma Lulu in again?
Actually sweetie, Grandma Lulu was in process of rewriting her will right now. I was thinking that you could take these to your father's mother.
But she lives way out in the middle of the woods. Aren't you concerned about my safety?
Don't worry darling, i'm sure that we didn't put you through all of those years of karate for nothing. You'll be fine.
But i didn't take karate, i took ballet.
- Queen Grimhilde: You know, the sooner you give me what i want, the sooner i'll let you go.
Jace Bellewaters: What do you want?
- Gunter: So, uh...how are you?
Oh good. That's nice.
Ella's Father:Adriana! Linda! Come down here! You too...Ella.
Suddenly, Jace began to wake up to see the dwarves staring at her then she began to scream.The dwarves screamed. Jace screamed. The dwarves screamed. Jace screamed. The seven dwarves finally looked at one another.
Snow White:Look, midgets. I've been wandering around lost in the woods and haven't eaten anything with nutritional substance since last week, you think we could just cut the chat until after you've given me something to eat?
We don't eat.
Why do you think dwarves be so friggin' short, eh?
Snow White:I was assuming it was genetics. Great, I'm alone in a house with six guys and some girl somewhere my stepmom will never find me and for once in my life, I'm not happy about it.
Snow White:Oh shut up.
Did you bring her?
Dude like did you?
Yo bro. Dat crap wasn't me! Okay? So chill out! Okay?
Where done she come from?
:Did she follow us?
began to do his victory dance
Jace Bellewaters: Um... what is he doing?
:Oh, he's just excited because it was the first time that someone is in his bed.
Jace Bellewaters: What are you?
:You're not elves. Elves aren't three feet tall, they're usually closer to seven. The only short elves i've heard of only work for Father Christmas, but they wouldn't survive here, it's much too warm.
Prince Gerald Charming:Maybe we done off our coats, eh? Nevuurr done thought av that there, done y'all?
Prince Atticus Charming:Hey, lay it off. She knows we ain't no Elf punks. (turned to Jace, looking very apologetically) Sorry, about my younger brother's behavior.
Jace:So...I am Jace Bellewaters. May i ask your names?
Atticus:I am Atticus and these are my six brothers: Benno...
Benno stood and bowed graciously.
Benno: Delighted to make your acquaintance ma'am.
Conrad:Ya gotta spittoon with ya?
Dedrick:I'm Dedrick, Professional bookie. You want the point spread on the Raiders' game? I can get it...minimal charge.
Atticus:This is Edmund...
Edmund:Yo. Wha's goin' down bro?
Atticus:This is Franz...
Franz's eyes were glazed over and the tie dyed T-shirt he wore bore a slogan saying, :Pacifism is the light".
Franz: Dude...like your outfit and your hair is so unpolluted... it totally reflects your environmental views man... rock on.
Atticus: You'll have to forgive him. Franz is rather liberal and i don't think he has ever realized that the 60's ended forty years ago. We think it might be best not to tell him.
Jace:And who might you be?
The dwarf just smiled a huge dopey looking grin.
Atticus: Ah, that's Gunter... he's beyond stupid.
Jace: Ooooookay...(mumbles) Fabulous. A head honcho, a Shakespearean, a hick, a bookie, a gangster, a hippie and an idiot. Boy was i in for a fun afternoon. Right.
Don't...don't leave me. Please. You're... you're the only girl...the only one...
Ella wakes up.
Ella:I'm awake! I'm awake!
Linda:(with a sneer)Ugh, don't you ever take a shower?
Ella:Yeah, whenever you freaks let me.
Jacqueline:(sneered)What did you just say?
Ella:I said i can only take a shower whenever you freaks let me.
Jacqueline:That's what i thought. (slaps her across the face)
Ella:(rubs her red, swollen cheek)Jeez, sorry.
Yes, i remember...I remember Penny and Benjamin. Those were your parents' names, right? I remember you and your brothers screaming for them as i spilled their blood-
I suppose you're going to ask me not to kill this one too?
Queen Grimhilde: I've had enough of this! (however nothing happened. She tried again, but nothing still happens) Oh screw it.
Queen Grimhilde pulls out a lighter from her dress and sets Pinocchio on fire. She then cackles as Pinocchio screams.
Pinocchio:(shouted)AAAAAHHHH! WHY? WHY WAS I TURNED INTO A TALKING PUPPET THAT IS MADE OUT OF WOOD BUT WITH NO STRINGS ATTACHED TO ME?!
Jack Spriggins: (shouted)Don't worry! I'll save you!
Pinocchio:(screams)DO NOT THROW THAT FREAKING AXE! THAT NEVER SOLVES ANYTHING!
Jack Spriggins: Aw man.
Jace Knight: I'll save you! (grabbed a bucket and doused Pinocchio in water. She also got water on Queen Grimhilde)
Queen Grimhilde:(screams in horror as she clutched onto her face)AAAAAAAAAHHHH! NOOOOO! MY MAKEUP IS MELTING!! MELTING!! OH WHAT A WORLD!
Queen Grimhilde then reveals to everyone her face. Her makeup was indeed running.
Everyone: (gasps in terror) GAH!
Queen Grimhilde: (shouted)LOOK WHAT YOU DID! NOW EVERYONE CAN SEE MY 40 SOMETHING YEAR OLD FACIAL BLEMISHES!
Jace Knight: I didn't mean to! Really i didn't! It's...it's just that he was on fire!
Queen Grimhilde: That's it! No more games! I'm gonna finish you off once and for all!
Atticus: Don't do this.
Jace Knight: Take care of everyone, please Atticus. Make sure they're safe. Keep them safe.
Atticus: No, we can fix this. We have to try, at least. You can't just give yourself up to her!
Jace Knight: We couldn't win. I have to do this. Atticus, I- Take care of yourself too.
Gunter: Should i say something...funny?(mentally)No.(not mentally)Yeah i thought so.
Gunter:(crying)So sad... hey look! A penny!
Jace Knight:Look, i get your concerns, but i'm sorry. What can i say? I guess i have a thing for midgets.
If she's marrying the dwarf, I am not going to be her bridesmaid.
Jace was a queen worth waiting for. Beloved by all, she lead the land of fable with all the grace, kindness and wisdom that Queen Grimhilde was never willing to do. Snow White eventually settled down in a foreign country where she became the originator of the Gothic movement and married a woodcutter, but drove him crazy with her depressing lunacy and chronic air headedness. The magic mirror was swept up and melted down, later being used to make a new mirror with a phobia of women in their forties. Red and Jack had a successful first date after Jace had become queen, and they continue to be one of those nauseatingly sweet couples to this very day. Red's grandmother continued to live out in the woods after she got a new security system which included an illegally smuggled lion and a rifle. Red's mother had stopped baking once and for all when a french bakery was built right next door. She also gained forty pounds.
A Witch's Fairytale is inspired by Shrek, Bratz Kidz Fairy Tales, Ella Enchanted, Hoodwinked!, Happily N'ever After, Charming, Red Shoes and the 7 Dwarves, and Into the Woods.