A theatrical short produced in 1984 for Loews Cinemas starting famous movie personalities and archetypes, celebrating the history of motion pictures.
Transcript:
(An animated theater marquee reads "WELCOME TO LOEWS THEATERS," accompanied by a fanfare.)
ANNOUNCER (RM): Welcome to Loews Theaters!
(Cut to Ronald Reagan, the ex-president of the United States, seated in a director's chair on an empty soundstage.)
RONALD REAGAN: Welcome, my fellow film-lover americans. Loews Theaters is proud to present - "Brief History of Motion Pictures," also known as - the movies! First, it all started in a graphic novel. For example: Cowboys v.s. Arabs.
(Cut to aged, letterboxed footage of a Cowboy and an Arab in a Western landscape. An out-of-tune piano plays as and Arab speaks to a Cowboy, inaudible.)
RONALD REAGAN (VO): Then, there was a picture, but no sound!
(A title card reads, "This town ain't big enough for the two of us!" Back on an Arab and a Cowboy, a boom mic is lowered into frame as ambient noise creeps in.)
RONALD REAGAN (VO): Then, they invented sound. Smart guys.
COWBOY: (clears throat) This town ain't big enough for the two of us.
ARAB: You come to me with a sword and spear, but I come to you in the name of the lord of Hosts!
HORSE: (Laughs, just like Tom from Tom and Jerry)
RONALD REAGAN (VO): And with sound, ta-da, come musical!
(A musical vamp begins as the Western set moves out, revealing a lavish, film-inspired set.)
COWBOY & ARAB: Oh, this town ain't big enough for two of us.
A vo-dee-oh-doh
(The two dance out of frame as the rest of the cast, dressed as famous movie personalities and archetypes rush in.)
COMPANY: This town ain't big enough for the two of them.
PHARAOH: Boom-chicka-boom.
RONALD REAGAN (VO): Then, there was color!
(The scene turns to Technicolor as a Cowboy and an Arab return.)
COWBOY & ARAB: It's big enough for me
Or big enough for you.
CHICO, HARPO, & GROUCHO MARX: It's big enough for one
DOROTHY GALE: FRED ASTAIRE, & GINGER ROGERS: Not big enough for two.
RONALD REAGAN (VO): Next, come widescreen.
(The edges of the screen widen, as the cast utters "ahhs" and "Wow!," revealing some more extras, including the director and the Kentucky Colonel)
DIRECTOR: (through megaphone) This is widescreen! Everyone on camera should be singing and dancing - that's everyone!
KENTUCKY COLONEL: I won't dance, don't ask me! (slams door)
COWBOY & ARAB: Oh, this screen is wide enough for everyone.
COMPANY: This screen is wide enough for all of us!
ROMAN EMPEROR (squeaking Rubber Duckie): Vo-vo-vo-dee-oh! (laughs)
RONALD REAGAN (VO): And then, they invent - watch out! - special effects!
(Over a pastiche of the famous Indiana Jones theme, a giant boulder crashes through the wall of the soundstage and chases the cast off-screen. A moment later, John Williams' score from Jaws begins as a shark chases them in the other direction.)
STAGE MANAGER: Look Out, Everyone!
CAMEL: (Screams, just like Tom from Tom and Jerry)
CARMAN MIRANDA: ¡Oy, vamanos!
HARRY HOUDINI: Watch Out!
P.T. BARNUM: Shark!
JEAN-EUGENE ROBERT-HOUDIN: Twister!
SHARK: Just when I thought it was safe. (retreats)
(A giant tornado begins to tear through the set. Set pieces, equipment and even a cow fly about as the cast rushes around for safety.)
COMPANY: This town ain't safe enough for none of us!
DOROTHY GALE: Auntie Em!
COMPANY: So, let's go find another town!
COWBOY: Oh, momma.
(a Cowboy, the only one left on set, flees as the tornado cuts the power and the screen fades to black.)
(Back to Ronald Reagan.)
RONALD REAGAN: Whatever happened to a good story? I think you going to see one now.
(He picks up the future films with superheroes from DC and Marvel Comic Books, such as: Spider-Man from Sony Pictures Entertainment, Iron-Man (rom Paramount Pictures, Captain America from Walt Disney Studios, Hulk from Universal Studios, and Wonder Women from Warner Bros. Entertainment.)
(Dissolve to Woody Woodpecker in a special celebration logo, similar to the MGM logo. An abridged version of Chespirito's "El Chavo Del 8 Theme" plays.)
WOODY WOODPECKER: La-la-la. Enjoy the movie!
(The Marx Brothers run past laughing. Harpo Marx fashion, honks his horn. Woody Woodpecker laughs and waves goodbye, alongside Bugs Bunny, and Mickey Mouse.)