The Ultimate VeggieTales Song Countdown (transcript)

Grover: Ahoy there, maties! Captain Grover here, once again! Welcome aboard again the ship of the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything!

Tony Toponi: Nothing.

Fievel Mousekewitz: Zilch.

Tony: Nada.

Grover: Not so fast, you lazies! Today, we are doing a little something.

Fievel: (irritated) Not again!

Tony: We did something yesterday!

Grover: Huh? All you did was order Chinese!

Tony: Hey, it's hard to say moo goo guy pan! Whoop, I did it again. I'm beat.

Fievel: Here, have a won-ton.

Tony: Ooh!

Grover: Over the past few months, we've asked our loving and loyal fans to cast their votes for their favorite Silly Song. Well, the votes are in! And now it's time to tally them all up in the Astonishing Contraption of Silliness!

Contraption: Astonishing Contraption of Silliness!

Tony: What a lame name. Who came up with that? (looks over at Fievel)

Fievel: What? I liked it. Won-ton?

Tony: Ooh!

Grover: Let the silliness begin! (starts the machine up) Well, classics like...

Contraption: Everybody's got a water buffalo...

Grover: Or who can forget...

Contraption: Oh, where is my hairbrush...

Grover: And then there is...

Contraption: Miren el pepino

Watch the cucumber...

(The contraption starts speeding up, Grover muttering unintelligibly. The machine shuts down)

Grover: Ya, bucket of bolts. Enough lollygagging, you slackers! It is time to shake a leg! (Larry takes this literally) Buccaneer Fievel, man the vote sacks!

Fievel: Aye-aye, captain.

Fievel: Pirate Tony, hoist the booster!

Tony: Okay.

Grover: Let's go over the rules, shall we? We will put your votes in the Astonishing Contraption of Silliness. The Astonishing Contraption of Silliness will count your votes and then the Astonishing Contraption of Silliness will countdown to the Silliest Silly Song of all time!

Fievel: That's it!

Tony: The polls are closed.

Grover: Oh! Great! Well, the moment has arrived. Buccaneer Tony, the lever!

Contraption: Number 10! Endangered Love

(Silly Songs with Fievel: Endangered Love (with Olivia Flaversham))

Contraption: Number 9! Dance of the Mouse

(Silly Songs with Larry: Dance of the Mouse)

Contraption: Number 8! Perfect Puppy

(Silly Songs with Fievel: Perfect Puppy)

Contraption: Number 7! The Dance of the Yodeling Cebu Lips

Grover: Hold it! Stop the countdown!!! I do not understand... There must be some mistake! I think perhaps the Astonishing Contraption of Silliness may need some recalibrating. (Picks up a wooden mallet) This oughta do it. (Whacks the machine)

Contraption: Number 7! The Water Buffalo Song

Grover: Oh, that is a nice one. The grandfather of Silly Songs. The one that started the whole thing! Let us pause for a moment of respect, shall we?

(Everyone bows their heads with peaceful music in the background)

Grover: That is enough. Hit it! (Fievel starts the machine up)

(Silly Songs with Fievel: The Water Buffalo Song)

Contraption: Number 6! The Yodeling Veterinarian of the Alps

(Silly Songs with Fievel: The Yodeling Vet of the Alps)

Contraption: Number 5! Fievel's Blues

(The Blues with Fievel: Fievel's Blues)

Contraption: Number 4! The Dance of the Water Buffalo Who Don't Love Cebu with Yodeling Lips

Grover: Wait a minute!! Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. It appears we're experiencing technical difficulties once again. Buy me some time.

Tony: (confused) Huh?

Fievel: What are we supposed to do?

Grover: I do not know. Think of something! Come up with another one of those Silly Songs you are so famous for!

Fievel: But... I didn't prepare anything.

Grover: (frustrated) Oh for Pete's sake! (Picks up a Chinese menu) Here, use this.

(Do the Moo Shoo)

Fievel/Tony: Chicken!

Tony: Kung Pao

Fievel: Chicken!

Tony: Mongolian

Fievel: Chicken!

Tony: Sweet and sour

Fievel: Chicken!

Tony: Cashew

Fievel: Chicken!

Fievel/Tony: Do the Moo Shoo!

Moo Shoo Moo Moo Moo Moo Moo Shoo

Moo Moo Shoo Moo Moo Moo Moo Shoo Shoo!

Do the Moo Shoo!

Fievel/Tony: Pork!

Fievel: Mandarin

Tony: Pork!

Fievel: Barbecued

Tony: Pork!

Fievel: Sweet and sour

Tony: Pork!

Fievel: Spicy shredded

Tony: Pork!

Pork!

Fievel/Tony: Do the Tofu!

Tofu fu fu Tofu Tofu fu

Tofu fu Tofu fu fu Tofu

Tony: Stop!!! Break a fortune cookie!

Fievel: (opens it and reads) "Beware of Grover with wooden mallet."

Tony: Ain't that the truth.

Grover: (Hits the machine one last time) That oughta do it. Nice try, but I do not think it will make the countdown.

Contraption: Number 4! The Song of the Cebu

(Silly Songs with Fievel: Song of the Cebu)

Contraption: Number 3! I Love My Lips

(Silly Songs with Fievel: I Love My Lips)

Grover: There are only 2 Silly Songs left, and we are still in it! 1 song will go home the loser, the other will go home as the Silliest Silly Song ever! And the loser is...

Contraption: Number 2! The Pirates Who Don't...

Grover: Hold it! Stop the countdown!!! Maybe we didn't collect all the votes!

Tony: What are you talking about?

Fievel: Sure we did!

Grover: No, maybe we didn't! Did you remember to check the closet?

Fievel: There's nothing in the...

Grover: Eh!!! Maybe there's more votes in the closet! (goes offscreen. We hear chattering and a person is shrieking. Grover comes back with a bag labeled Official Votes) Oh, look!

Tony: Wait a minute.

Fievel: (suspicious) What's going on?

Grover: (innocently) We cannot allow our own negligence to violate the will of the people. (throws a bag into the machine)

Tony: Hey, I smell something fishy.

Grover: That is your friend.

Fievel: Kung pao squid?

Tony: Ah... No.

Contraption: Number 2!

Tony: Hold it!!

Fievel: Somebody has a confession to make, don't they?

Tony: Don't they?

Grover: Okay, okay, I rigged the election!! That last bag of votes weren't official votes at all. They were all phony votes for our song!

Fievel: I'm infuriated!

Tony: I'm jealous! You disgrace the proud title of pirate!! Eh... No wait. Maybe not.

Grover: I'm sorry and sad. (sniffs) It's just that (Tony) you had your cheeseburger love song (Fievel) and you had everything else and... Well, that song is all I had!

Tony: Well, number 2 is nothing to sneeze at.

Fievel: Yeah, that's really good.

Grover: You think so?

Tony: Oh, yeah. It sure beats the Forgive-O-Matic.

Scallion #1: (opens the door) I heard that. (closes the door)

Grover: Huh... I guess you are right. It is nothing to sneeze at! Will you guys forgive me?

Fievel/Tony: Okay, all right! You bet. We'll forgive you.

Grover: Astonishing Contraption of Silliness, will you forgive me?

Contraption: Yes!

Grover: Oh, good.

Contraption: Don't let it happen again!

Grover: All right all ready. Okay, let us set the record straight.

Contraption: Number 2! The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything

(Silly Songs with Fievel: The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything)

Grover: And now, the Silliest Silly Song of all time!

Contraption: Number 1! Hairbrush Song

(Silly Songs with Fievel: Hairbrush Song)

Grover: Well, that is it! The great Silly Song Countdown is complete!

Fievel: Thanks for voting, everyone! You guys are great!

Tony: Yeah, thanks!

(Fievel walks up to the camera)

Fievel: Kung pao squid?