MuppetTales: Very Silly Songs! (LegalizeAnythingMuppets Style) (transcript)

[] (workout video!) (The title "Silly Sing-Along" comes up.) (The MuppetTales Theme Song begins) (The songs that play "I Can Be Your Friend", "Dance of the Bert", "The Forgiveness Song", "The Water Buffalo Song" and "God is Bigger".) (home improvement video!) (The next songs that play are "Love my Lips", "Oh, No! What We Gonna Do?", "Stand Up" and "The Hairbrush Song".) (Back in Countertop to Ernie/Bob) (success video!) (The song that plays "The Muppets Who Don't Do Anything".)
 * Bert/Larry: Hi, kids, I'm Bert. Welcome to the very first MuppetTales workout video! I hope I'm ready to sweat, I know I am. Now hop to the left and hop to the right and hop to the front to the back and one more time, now you don't have a trampoline at home you can just use a couple of slinkies in an old rug. And what you want to do is squeeze and jump and squeeze and jump and squeeze and jump and squeeze and oh my and squeeze and jump. Ouch! And squeeze and oof! Ernie! Ernie!
 * Ernie/Bob: I think Bert is a little confused! Actually, this is the very first MuppetTales sing-along tape. What we're gonna do is play some of their favorite MuppetTales songs and put the words on the bottom of the screen, like this. Okay, boys, are you ready?
 * Pig #1/Jean Claude: Mai oui, monsiuer Ernie!
 * Pig #2/Phillipe: Oh-ho-ho, we were born ready!
 * Pig #1/Jean Claude: Here we go! And a 1 and a 2.
 * Ernie/Bob: (Singing) MuppetTales... MuppetTales... MuppetTales... MuppetTales... (Speaking) See? It's just that easy. Just sing the words on the bottom of the screen. All right, guys. That's enough. Guys, hey, hey, pigs! Pigs!
 * Bert/Larry: Ernie! Hey, Ernie!
 * Pig #3/Christophe: Oh, I am feeling woozie.
 * Bert/Larry: Ernie!
 * Ernie/Bob: Roll tape! Oh dear.
 * Pig #1/Jean Claude: Jack, stop this crazy thing.
 * Bert/Larry: Hey, kids! I'm Bert. Welcome to the very first MuppetTales home improvement video! I hope you're ready to wrench. I know I am. What we're gonna do today is change that old leaky fixture on the sink. We're gonna replace it with a new one, which will be quite attractive and last for years to come. Oh, and by the way, it's very important with any plumbing job to shut off the water supply. So I had my assistant, Big Bird, turn off the water to the kitchen.
 * Big Bird/Jimmy: Oh... You meant the kitchen sink. (Bert/Larry turns the wrench around the water level, sending himself flying upwards as the water runs) I thought this was bathrooms and decks.
 * Bert/Larry: Ernie!
 * Ernie/Bob: Now, kids, we're gonna sing-along with one of my favorite songs, the Bunny Song!
 * Pig #1/Jean Claude: Monsiuer Ernie! We're not supposed to sing the Bunny Song!
 * Ernie/Bob: Oh-ho-ho, thank you for pointing that out, Pig #1. But this is the New and Improved Bunny Song. This is the one we're supposed to sing.
 * Pig #1/Jean Claude: I see.
 * (The song that play "The New and Improved Bunny Song".)
 * Bert/Larry: Hey, kids! I'm Bert. Welcome to the very first MuppetTales success video! Are you ready to make millions of dollars in real estate with no money down? I know I am.
 * Ernie/Bob: Bert!
 * Bert/Larry: Yeah, Ernie?
 * Ernie/Bob: Don't you see? This is a sing-along video!
 * Bert/Larry: Oh, a sing-along video. I love sing-along videos. That's where you put the words on the bottom of the screen so people can sing-along at home, right?
 * Ernie/Bob: Yep.
 * Bert/Larry: Oh, the kids are gonna love that! What song should we do first?
 * Ernie/Bob: (awful) Never mind.
 * Bert/Larry: What? Hey, Ernie. Guess what? I bought a whole chocolate factory with no money down.
 * Ernie/Bob: You did what?