The Worst Christmas/Transcript

Freddy
[We see the current opening logo of either Dreamworks (US theather and intl home video) or Columbia Pictures (Intl Theather and Us home video)]

[We see the words in a Times New Roman Font in Sky Blue under a snowy background "Dreamworks Presents" (or Columbia Pictures), followed by the title of the film]

Narrator (older Freddy): "I'm Freddy, As a young boy, I begged for joy and cheer of a wonderful holiday season a long time ago."

Narrator: "There I was, in front of a utopia of fun and playtime..."

[We see kids in front of the toy store window including Freddy]

Narrator: "I could not resist entering that store."

[The kids and Freddy run into the toy store while screaming in joy]

[Freddy catches an eye of a BB Gun]

Narrator:The moment I've been waitng for was the BB gun!

Do You Know What I Want?
[Freddy's family watches a NHL game with the Pittsburgh Penguins playing against the St.Louis Blues]

Dad: This is Mario Lemuiex's last game so this is a very important one to the Pittsburgh Penguins fans.

Reporter (on TV): "St. Louis Blues are beating the Penguins with a score of 3 to 0!"

Dad: "You can do this...."

(The St. Louis Blues score a goal)

Dad: "Oh! So close!"

Eliza: "Come on Weight!"

Josh:Doug Weight, you're stupid!

Orla: Poo-poo!

Narrator: "We were a dysfunctional family like the Simpsons when we watched the Penguins getting beaten by another hockey team we completely hated!"

Freddy:Marc Andre Fleury deserved that save!

Mom:Calm down and watch the game guys!

Freddy: "Let's go Sidney JACK**S!"

[We see the ST.Louis Blues scoring another goal)

[We see Freddy's family getting bored]

[The game is over and the Penguins lose]

Freddy (to Dad): "I can't believe they lost! By the way, unlike when you grew up, Mario Lemiuex is s**t"

Dad: "Come on, kid. You can't say that but let's have some Wendy's for lunch."

[The family is at Wendy's]

Freddy (to Mom): "Do you know what I want for Christmas?"

Mom: What?

Freddy: "I would like a BB gun! It's so cool!"

Mom:You'll shoot your eye out,son.

Narrator: "OH NO! The mom-block tagline for the B.B Gun!"

Narrator: I was dreaming of myself when I got home of having a B.B Gun!

Daydreaming about the BB Gun
Narrator: "I was wishing for a BB Gun for years. In fact, I daydreamed about it while I was at school."

Mrs. Foxworth (Freddy's teacher): "Class, what is 15 times 9?"

[We cut to Freddy who is staring at the board and then the camera fade into his dream]

[We see Mom,Dad,Josh,Eliza and Orla hiding under the couch]

[We see bad guys such as Joker from Batman,Green Goblin from Spider-Man, Al Capone from Tintin in America and Lex Luthor from Superman]

[We see Freddy in a Indiana Jones costume,barging into the door]

Freddy:What's going on here?

Mom:HELP! Al Capone is back!

Freddy:OK, I'll fight'em!

[Freddy goes out and sees the bad guys]

Joker:You'll never get us Indy!

Lex Luthor:Yeah with your dopey Marshmallow gun!

Freddy:Now I have a secret weapon!

[Freddy shoots all the bad guys except for AL Capone]

Al Capone: I'll be back you ret***ed b**ch but I'll have new goons!

[Al Capone runs away]

Mrs.Foxworth:Freddy! Freddy!

Freddy:What?

Mrs.Foxworth:The period is over,now you may go to reading with Mrs.Robertson.

Narrator: Yeah, I was in to deep. Chickening out meant having LA suicide with Mrs.Robertson for reading and Mr.Day for English. Science suicide woth Ms.Hayash and Social Sucide (really it's Social Studies) with Mr.Giles,the baldest and fattest teacher in the world.

[After school Freddy gets home]

[Freddy barges in the door]

Mom:How was school Freddy?

Freddy: Uh,it was fine.

Mom:Remember,we have to pick up Orla from preschool right after Eliza gets off the elementary school bus.

Narrator: Why???? Shouldn't I have stayed home and sneak up to watch Cartoon Network? Cartoon Network was my favorite channel. On Friday Nights me,Eliza and Orla would watch a show or movie on Cartoon Network, whether if it is Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, Codename: Kids Next Door, or even Ed Edd n' Eddy.

Mom:After we pick up Orla from preschool,you and Eliza have the play tonight so get dressed NOW!

The Pageant
(We see the front of a school)

Kids singing: "Christmas tree, my Christmas tree, lit up like a star..."

Mom:

Dad:

Josh: "Orla, Freddy's solo on It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas is coming up."

Freddy (singing): "It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, everywhere you go. Take a look at the five and-"

(Freddy trips over the microphone wire)

Eliza:GOD**N FREDDY!

(Everybody starts laughing except Freddy's family)

Kid singing (played by Lauren Durrant): "Christmas tree, my Christmas tree, lit up like a---"

(Freddy looks up at Eliza and smacks her in the face repeatedly and then takes a hard punch)

Freddy: "You'll shoot your eye out,(bleep)!"

(Everybody except Freddy falls on the stage)

(One person gets hit on the Christmas tree)

Dad: "FREDDY!"

(The curtains begin to shut down with surprised Freddy)

(We see a 5 second shot of Freddy's face)

Apology
Freddy: "Everyone, I'm sorry for what I did at the pageant today. Forgive me already, will ya?"

Mom:Well other than the apology you added 3+3=6 to the behavior chart which means you have to do an essay go to your room and you're grounded for a day!

Freddy:WHY?!

Mom: Because of your naughty behavior. You must learn your errors of your ways, young man.

Freddy: But I don't want to! This is so unfair!

Mom: DO IT RIGHT NOW!

[Freddy runs into his room]

Narrator:

The Video Game Codes and the Writing Assignment
Narrator:When I got home from school the next day I wanted to turn on the radio to my favorite radio program "Cheat Coders Split". I was gonna listen to the cheats of We Love Katamari,Animal Crossing:Wild World which I got at GameStop which I got last week,Donkey Kong Jungle Beat,Batman Begins,Madden NFL 06,The Matrix:Path of Neo,Star Fox Assault,LEGO Star Wars,Medal of Honor:European Assault,Marvel Nemesis:Rise of Imperfects and Physchonauts."

Radio Annoucer:If you have a XBOX,PSP,GameCube,DS and Playstation 2 you should do the follwing games in order to win $10,000,000, We Love Katamari,Animal Crossing:Wild World,Donkey Kong Jungle Beat,Batman Begins,Madden NFL 06,The Matrix:Path of Neo,Star Fox Assault,LEGO Star Wars,Medal of Honor:European Assault,Marvel Nemesis:Rise of Imperfects and Physchonauts.

[Freddy writes down the games immediatley as the radio annoucer says]

[Freddy goes downstairs in the TV room along with his Nintendo DS]

Narrator:

[Freddy turns on the Fat PS2]

[Freddy starts playing We Love Katamari,Batman Begins,LEGO Star Wars,The Matrix:Path of Neo and Physchonauts]

Dad:Get out of the TV, Freddy. It's Orla's TV time.

Freddy:I'M BUSY! DIDN'T YOU FORGET THERE WAS A TV UP STAIRS AND IN ELIZA'S ROOM?!

Dad:But the TV upstairs doesn't play Nick Jr.. It plays TBS,Comedy Central, TNT, and all the adult channels. Plus,Eliza's TV is her property now.

Narrator: I wished we never rearrange our rooms because over the summer some dopey Home Depot guys and Dad rearranged the bedrooms so now mine is upstairs with Mom and Dad, along with Josh.

Freddy (thinking):I wish I would turn off the TV, but I have to get the codes in order to win $10,000,000.

Dad: ORLA'S TV TIME IS NOW! FREDDY! YOU HAVE PEER!

Freddy:I'LL BE HERE IN AN MOMENT!

Orla: I WANT TO WATCH DORA!!!!!!!!!!!

[Freddy turns off the Fat PS2 and turns on the GameCube and plays Donkey Kong Jungle Beat,Madden NFL 06, Star Fox Assault, Medal of Honor and Marvel Nemesis]

Narrator:Great. Now it was Josh's TV time and I was at Level 3:Nanny for behavior. I had to get that special prize,I had to!

Freddy:Come on it's fast!

Dad:Get out it's Josh's TV time!

[Freddy turns off the GameCube and turns on to his DS to play Mario Kart DS and Animal Crossing: WIld World]

Dad: Come on! You're gonna be grounded if you don't come out in 10 minutes!

Freddy:I'm almost finished!

Dad:Get out now!

Freddy:In 1 minute!

{The game cheats are done but Freddy turns the Cheat Code Prize Machine on the computer but there is no $10,0000,000 dollar winner, just a boring prize (a space for cheats)]

Narrator:I thought anyone you get $10,000,000 but they meant first person who did that and I was second.

Freddy (to Josh):Now it's your TV time,idiot!

Josh: Ok.......

[We cut to Freddy's school]

Narrator:Back in school,I had English with Mr.Day,the coolest teacher in Pennsylvania. But this one went to far.

Mr.Day:Now class, we will do an writing assignemt that is.....

Students:

Mr.Day:What you want for Christmas!

Students:YYYYAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY!

Narrator:My mind went "POP"! I was gonna write about the BB Gun that I wanted.

Mr.Day: I expect the writing assignment due on Friday.

Narrator:

[We cut to Freddy's room who is thinking of ideas]

Freddy:I want a BB Gun for Christmas.... It's cooler than an XBOX 360 or a Nerf Gun. You can shoot beer cans outside with it...

Freddy:

Freddy [writing]:

[On Friday, we see kids in Mr.Day's class including Freddy handing out their assignments.}

Mr.Day:

Nutcracker
Dad: (calling loudly to the children, except Eliza, from downstairs) "Freddy,Josh and Orla"

Mum: "Your cousins and your grandparents will arrive shortly."

Getting a Christmas Tree
[The family arrives via car to a tree farm called Uncle Paul's Pick-a-Tree]

[A the owner of the tree farm named Mr. Watson shows up]

Mr. Watson: (to Dad) "Good tidings, sir. How can I help you?"

Dad: "We are looking for the perfect Christmas tree we can afford."

Mr. Watson: "Go ahead. Pick one for yourself."

[The family wanders around many different Christmas trees]

[Freddy looks up at an approximately 20 foot tall Christmas tree]

Freddy: "HOLY C***! IT'S HUGE! LET'S PICK THAT TREE!"

Mom: "Freddy, honey, I'm afraid we can't afford that tree. The price says that it's $1699. We don't have enough because we have a measly $760. Besides, that tree is too big to fit in our living room. Oh, how about we can buy this $600 7-foot-tall tree instead? We have that much money to pay for it."

Freddy: "I WANT THE BIG TREE!"

Orla: (to her other siblings except Freddy) "Guys, please don't tell me that Freddy is being like a boy Veruca Salt!"

Josh:See the boy is nothing but an odd rat!

Eliza:Yeah right!

Oh Fudge...
(The tree falls off the fence)

Freddy: "Oh...fudge..."

(Dad stares at Freddy)

Dad: "What did you say, Freddy?"

Freddy: "Fudge...."

(Dad and Freddy get in the car with the tree)

Dad:Get in while I fix it.

(Dad fixes it)

(Freddy goes in the car)

Mom:Why do you have a dope face?

Mom:8 minutes

Dad:Actually 5 minutes,you know why?

Mom:Why?

Dad: "Freddy said something that he shouldn't say."

Mom/Orla/Josh/Eliza: "What is it?"

Dad: "Ready Eliza,Josh,Orla, and Marie? 1...2...3"

(Dad whispers to everyone in the family except Freddy)

(Mom screams)

Freddy: "What's the big deal? I thought fudge wasn't a swear word."

Dad: "Son, it's close to one, however."

Soap and Ms.Short
[We see Freddy with soap in his mouth sitting in the kitchen table]

Dinner
[Everyone is at Ms.Short's dining room]

Ms. Short: "Christmas dinner is served."

[We see many Christmas-related dinner foods on the table]

Blackout
[A large blizzard is blowing through the town]

[A stronger wind blows down a power line, eventually causing a power outage]

[Cut to: the Shorts' household everyone is screaming in the living room]

Orla: "I can't see, dad! I'm as blind as a bat!"

Ms. Short: "Remain calm, everybody. I will try and get out a flashlight."

[Ms. Short gets out a flashlight and tries to turn it on, but to no avail]

Ms. Short: "Oh dear, it must be broken. I will get a candle instead."

[Ms. Short lights a candle and walks back to the living room with it]

Eliza: "LIGHT!"

Snow Day
Mom: "Kids, wake up, time for fun in the snow!"

Josh/Freddy/Eliza/Orla: "YAAAAAAAAAY!"

[The 4 children race downstairs and get dressed in their winter clothing]

[They also get their sleds in the garage]

Freddy: "Last one to the snow is a poopy-butt!" (Blows raspberry)

[The 4 run to the snowy grounds and go up a hill to slide down it on their sleds and they stop at the top]

Freddy and Eliza: "ON YOUR D*** MARKS, GET SET, GOOOOOOOOO!"

[All 4 children begin sliding down the hill on their sleds]

Gingerbread House
Mom: "Let's make and decorate some gingerbread houses!"

Josh: "Cool! It's gonna be sweet, literally!"

Who the?....
[Freddy wakes up first at 4:00 AM and steals Josh's Warheads Super Sour Spray Candy]

[Freddy eats his breakfast, brushes his teeth,and gets dressed]

[Freddy makes his own lunch,stuffs all of his school stuff including the lunchbox in the backpack and then puts it on the stairs]

[Freddy takes out the Warheads spray and then sprays it around the kitchen]

[Then he sprays it downstairs with the gaming room and the bathroom]

Freddy:Done.

[At 6:00 AM,everyone is awake. Josh gets ready for high school,Dad is perparing for work,Mom is making Pop Tarts and Eggo Waffles,Eliza is eating Apple Jacks, and Orla is watching a Dora the Explorer episode called ]

Dad:See you kids at dinner.

Josh:You too!

[Mom sniffs]

Mom:I smell something.

Josh:My Warheads spray!

Mom:Really?

Josh:Yes! I didn't do it

Mom:Freddy then.

Freddy (with Spanish accent):Don't fool me. I didn't do it.

Mom:Did you do it Freddy?

Freddy:No

Mom:Yes

Freddy:Uh,no

Mom:GO TO YOUR ROOM AFTER SCHOOL!

[We cut back Mr.Day's classroom, seeing him passing back holiday essays.]

Mr.Day:"Class, your holiday writings will be passed back. I was disappointed in the punctuation, but other than that, it's good."

[Mr.Day hands Freddy, Freddy's holiday writing and Freddy is smiling to open it.]

Narrator:"Just when Mr.Day was handing back my essay, I was excited to open and see an A plus"

[Freddy opens his folder and opens up the Holiday Writing but sees he got a F with a Come see Me after class comment]

Narrator:

[Mr

Shopping
[We see Freddy's family in the car.]

Mom: Where do you want to go first?

Orla: The video store!

Mom:We'll go as a family,OK?

Freddy: Ma, can we get our own movies?

[The family parks at the Blockbuster Video parking lot]

Mom:Yes but GIVE ORLA CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS OR THE GRINCH! DON'T GIVE ME THAT LOOK, YOUR AT LEVEL 1!

[We see the children at Blockbuster]

Josh (in Kids section):Hey Freddy loookkk!

{Josh is holding The Parent Trap on DVD}

Freddy:Christmas Movies Mom said!

Narrator:

Freddy:I'm giving Orla Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer for this year. What'yd you get?

Josh:Only the great Miracle on 34th Street.

Eliza:Camel-mouth. I've got Santa Clause in my hands.

Freddy:Well I have my favorites, Elf, Polar Express and Grinch with Jim Carrey.

Freddy:Let's check out our videos.

[The kids go to the check out, nobody's in line]

Video store clerk (portrayed by Khole Kardashian):21.00 please

Freddy: WOW you fri***n kidding me.

Video store clerk:Swearing is inappropiate.

Freddy: Anyway my mom has money for that and were on a rush because we are going Christmas shopping.

Video store clerk:Sir,you must put that $21.00 down or I will call the police

[Freddy runs but is approached by another clerk portrayed by Robin Williams]

[Freddy does a bowing posture and so does the clerk and then Freddy kicks him the n**s]

Freddy:Go to a orphanage with goofballed nuns!

[Freddy runs to the car]

Freddy:Do you have 21.00,Mom or Dad?

Mom:

Dad:

Freddy:Thanks

[Meanwhile the clerk looks at Orla. Orla points for no reason, the video store clerk looks and Orla kicks him in the n**s]

Orla:S****y-b**t!

[Freddy is in the store with Josh, Eliza and Orla and pays the movies]

Freddy:

Josh:

Freddy:

[The kids get in the car.]

Freddy:What else is new?

Mom:We are going to Target.

Parade
[We see Freddy's family at a local Christmas parade]

[Red and green confetti and streamers flutter down from the air]

[Cheering from people can be heard in the background]

Seeing Santa
Freddy:Look guys,their's Santa but quick because the store's closing.

Narrator:

[Josh, Freddy,Eliza and Orla run to see Santa and think the line is short]

Man with kid (played by Brad Pitt):If you are seeing Santa,the line's way back here.

[The kids see a very long line]

[5 minutes later]

Narrator:

Freddy:I wish I saw him right now.

[10 minutes later]

Freddy:

Nerdy kid:

Josh:

Nerdy kid:

Eliza:The line's getting faster.

[20 minutes later]

Santa:

Elf 1:

[Eliza goes up]

Santa:

Eliza:

Santa:

{Eliza goes down the slide}

[Nerdy Kid goes up]

Santa:

Nerdy Kid:

Santa:

[Nedry kid goes down the slide]

Elf: Come on kid!

Elf 2: Come on up!

Santa:HO,HO,HO! What's your name little boy?

Freddy:Uh,Freddy

Elf 1:Hey kid! Hurry up! The store is closing!

Kids that are waiting:Yeah kid. Aw come on!

Freddy (to kids):Aw,SHUT UP!

Kid 1:YOU SHUT UP! LET'S GO!

Freddy:NOW SHUT THE JERKED MOUTH OF YOURS!

Santa:What would you like for Christmas?

Santa:How about a nice football?

Narartor:What? A football? Not that!

Santa:Get that kid out of here.

(One of the elves try to put Freddy on the slide but Freddy gets on the top of the slide)

Narattor:Why a football? I had to remember. Wake up dummy. Wake up!

Freddy:No,No I want an official Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model air rifle,a Lil Wayne CD,Happy Gilmore,South Park: Bigger,Longer,and Uncut and Call of Duty 2:Big Red One! (Freddy smiles)

Santa:You're too young for those presents and you'll shoot your eye out when you get the BB Gun.

(Santa kicks Freddy in the eye)

Santa:HO! HO! HO!

(Freddy goes down the slide)

Freddy:NNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!

At Church
Freddy (in PJs):A nice night to watch Elf and The Polar Express.

Narrator:"I was all relaxed in my PJs and was in my bed hoping Santa could come but my Dad said..."

Dad: "Freddy, are you dressed yet to go to church?"

Freddy: "I'm in my PJs."

Dad: "Then get dressed. I am expecting you to be dressed in 30 minutes."

Narrator:I didn't want to put away my PJs. But I had a brilliant idea.

[Freddy puts his clothes on top of his PJs}

Freddy:I'm dressed!

Dad:"Good, now get in the car!"

{Freddy runs in the car]

Mom:All set.

{Dad starts the car and drives]

[Freddy sees a sign that says Mass at High School 6:00]

Freddy:Mom, there's mass at the high school. Can we go to that one?

Mom:NO way!

I got the BB Gun and PSP!
Freddy: "YES! I GOT THE BB GUN AND THE PSP! WOO-HOO!"

OH NO!
[Freddy goes outside with his BB gun]

End
[The kids go to bed with their presents with Freddy with his BB gun not loaded, Josh with his new hockey stick, Eliza with a nutcracker doll and Orla with a Babo and Ox Uglydoll plush]

Freddy (to Josh):Do you think your Christmas was the best this year?

Josh: "Um, the best one was probably when I was your age.

Freddy (chuckling): "Well wait till Christmas 2006.

Narrator: "After all, my brother may not agree with me, but I still think it's The Best Christmas. And that wraps up my story on this real experience."