Marcelina

 Doherty (25th January 1939-30th December 2000) was a, um...special person. Apart from that atrocious name she was given, Marcelina was also born with a rare condition called Yahtzee's Disease, in which the affected are born with a fruit head. Those with vegetable heads have Ghddbresczx's (Gregsburg) Disease. Due to this, she had a watermelon head, and so was bullied in her childhood. The worst part, though, was that she couldn't eat, breath, speak, hear, smell, see, spit, swallow or suck (though metaphorically she did). So she just did self-cannabilism to her head.

At age 31, Marcelina had no job, no house, no money, no loved ones (they all died when they saw her at first sight, including her normal-headed parents. Though her 99-year old grandma was going to die either way of natural causes)...and no life. So she lived a horrible yet boring life. In fact, writing about her dull ass life's making me fall asledlsfjgdkds...Crap, I just slept on the keyboard for a second there. I would have kept sleeping, but I have to write the rest of this goddamn boring autobiography.

Anyways, Marcelina had to live on the streets where stray dogs almost ate her off and she was rejected by society for, well, you know. She also was told she was going to live for 5 more years, and the only cure was acceptance from someone. Unofortunately, she was better off dead, as, well, she was rejected by freakin' society. However, she struck gold in 1972, when she met Georaj Klololo (15th May 1888-17th February 1995), a sitophiliac (if you don't what it is, f- off. Google exists for a reason, y'know?). They married in 1973, therefore making Marcelina less likely to die know. Their sex life's unknown, but rumors spread that Georaj would lick Marcelina's head and even put his, um, Johnson in it and rub, rub, rub. No one wants to know either way. Geez, if I wanted to get disgusted, I would just watch Adam Sandler's cringeworthy attempts at "humor".

Marcelina always kept her watermelon head throughout her 61-year life, though she kept self-cannibalising. However, this stopped after she married Georaj, who appreciated her big ass watermelon head and convinced her to keep it. They never had kids, because she didn't want no watermelong-headed kids. She was with Georaj until his death in 1995, making her lonely again. Her life changed drastically and she went back to her 31-year old mood again. So she started self-cannibilasing again for the last 5 years of her life.

On 29th December 2000 at approximately 4 PM, Marcelina was hospitalized after finishing eating her watermelong head which, unfortunately, was the only thing that kept her alive. Paramedics struggled to save her life for an overwhelming 20 hours, until she died the next day, on 30th December 2000 at 12 PM, at the age of 61, due to self-cannabilism. She was never survived by anyone, therefore ending her future generations for the better good. (Seriously, more watermelon-headed people would be creepy ASF).